DRILL PRESS:   A tall upright machine useful for suddenly snatching flat metal bar   stock out of your hands so that it smacks you in the chest and flings   your beer across the room, denting the freshly-painted project which   you had carefully set in the corner where nothing could get to it.     WIRE WHEEL:   Cleans paint off bolts and then throws them somewhere under the   workbench with the speed of light . Also removes fingerprints and   hard-earned calluses from fingers in about the time it takes you to   say, 'Oh sh --'     SKILL SAW:   A portable cutting tool used to make studs too short.     PLIERS:   Used to round off bolt heads. Sometimes used in the creation of   blood-blisters.     BELT SANDER:   An electric sanding tool commonly used to convert minor touch-up jobs   into major refinishing jobs.     HACKSAW:   One of a family of cutting tools built on the Ouija board principle...   It transforms human energy into a crooked, unpredictable motion, and   the more you attempt to influence its course, the more dismal your   future becomes.     VISE-GRIPS:   Generally used after pliers to completely round off bolt heads. If   nothing else is available, they can also be used to transfer intense   welding heat to the palm of your hand.     OXYACETYLENE TORCH:   Used almost entirely for lighting various flammable objects in your   shop on fire. Also handy for igniting the grease inside the wheel hub   out of which you want to remove a bearing race..     TABLE SAW:   A large stationary power tool commonly used to launch wood projectiles   for testing wall integrity.     HYDRAULIC FLOOR JACK:   Used for lowering an automobile to the ground after you have installed   your new brake shoes , trapping the jack handle firmly under the bumper.     BAND SAW:   A large stationary power saw primarily used by most shops to cut good   aluminum sheet into smaller pieces that more easily fit into the trash   can after you cut on the inside of the line instead of the outside edge.     TWO-TON ENGINE HOIST:   A tool for testing the maximum tensile strength of everything you   forgot to disconnect.     PHILLIPS SCREWDRIVER:   Normally used to stab the vacuum seals under lids or for opening   old-style paper-and-tin oil cans and splashing oil on your shirt; but   can also be used, as the name implies, to strip out Phillips screw   heads.     STRAIGHT SCREWDRIVER:   A tool for opening paint cans. Sometimes used to convert common   slotted screws into non-removable screws and butchering your palms.     PRY BAR:   A tool used to crumple the metal surrounding that clip or bracket you   needed to remove in order to replace a 50 cent part.     HOSE CUTTER:   A tool used to make hoses too short.     HAMMER:   Originally employed as a weapon of war, the hammer nowadays is used as   a kind of divining rod to locate the most expensive parts adjacent the   object we are trying to hit.     UTILITY KNIFE:   Used to open and slice through the contents of cardboard cartons   delivered to your front door; works particularly well on contents such   as seats, vinyl records, liquids in plastic bottles, collector   magazines, refund checks, and rubber or plastic parts. Especially   useful for slicing work clothes, but only while in use.     Son of a b*tch TOOL: (A personal favorite!!)   Any handy tool that you grab and throw across the garage while yelling   'Son of a b*tch' at the top of your lungs. It is also, most often, the   next tool that you will need.